what do you take away from a life-fucking experience?

the pleasure of the thrill? the wrench it puts on your heart? the fact that it is so sick that u risk frown lines?

it's been awhile and im not gonna blame writers block, well technically i can't use that as an excuse for the simple fact that im NOT a writer.

is it worth the wait? that seems to be the million dollar question right now. the flutter in your stomach, the bounce in your step, the cold sweat, the sigh of relief, the memories - it should be worth it right?

i would like to put something into perspective, when u play the game of life do you drive around thinking of reaching the end first or how you reach the end first?

put yourself out there by all means, get burned a couple of times. it only makes u stronger right?

been proving myself wrong so far. . .

sick of that too.

xx




"I want to know God's thoughts... the rest are details" -Albert Einstein

so what did happen to the whole bunch of potatoes?

well, i threw them all out and kept one behind.

in the past, i had my fair share of it and right now im keeping my fingers crossed that this one works out.

slow as it goes, im taking my time on this one. rushed into it before and look where that left me.

hoping that it will turn out right this time. but then again, in life we just never know.

but not knowing makes it all worth while when u know u bagged the right one, so to speak :P

cold in melbourne right now. life certainly has its funny ways in letting u know what matters and im lucky enough to catch in the howling wind.

so yea, toes crossed this time that this current sweeps me off my feet :D

u know i love u guys!

out

i know for a fact that when life throws u a potato, u make a salad. but what happens when life throws u a fucking sack of it? speaking of sack, i have not been getti. . .ok focus!

so yea what would u do with it? sometimes we think it is the right thing to do but u fear u might regret it at a later time when life decides to throw u . . well something better than a potato. no offence to potato lovers tho'

take choosing a partner, when someone comes along do u just grab it because the person seems nice enough or juuust ok looking but has traits of interest or even has the whole paskage except the personality?

i for one have been posed this very question that has plagued mankind for ages maybe aeons. what did i do u ask? well i took the 'on the fence and play coy while up there' approach. not the best i know, but sometimes i just don't know.

yup sometimes u just don't know. not that i took any chances!

and by don't know i mean greedy. u know im right ;)

we'll see. . .


love u guys!

yes its been awhile, been waiting for the internet to be set up and god only knows that only the number of positions in the karma sutra beats the amount of things to be done before anyone here can access the www...

so here i am, in a new foreign land enjoying myself...

taking my virgin flight, i have to say that it's definately an experience that one should personally endeavour before making any jokes about it...ascending, decending, inhumane sounds, whats there not to enjoy?

finding my way to the university is a whole different playing field in itself...taking wrong trains, waiting for a tram that will never come and embarassing myself is all part n parcel believe me...but hey it's all good fun...

surprisingly, not missing the things im supposed to...well maybe it just has not kicked in but hey it's only been what, 4 weeks? so yea, in due time, in due time (i hope)

to all you still reading this endless slew of grammar, im grateful...trying to keep it as updated and fresh as i can...having nothing to do right now waiting for time to fly by...

so ok signing off now...boooring post (coughs) OH NO U DID'NT! LOL yea ok that was irrelavent...

love u guys . . . .

it's been awhile since i last posted. call it writers block or sheer laziness but for yet-one-more-time i decided to start penning or rather typing down my thoughts once again.

author, wilkie collins once penned in a book that words are giants when it does us injury but dwarfs when they do us justice. i belived an awed at the phrase that i think relate more to our action in trying to prove something to someone.

take for example, me. i take the trouble in working my outings and activities (be it indecent or saintly) around how my parent like it or rather how they think it 'should be the way a teenager act'. hard i know, but i manage to keep both myself and my parents satisfied. at least i thought so. then comes the part when the cookie crumbles to dust when it all gets thrown back in a sling shot faster then u can say WTF!?

first of all, im no teenager. and second of all they did not make any sense. and when i say that i mean that they actually did no make any sense at all whatsoever nada no nehi bu ming bai.

an excerpt right out of a depressed autobiography as it sounds, i honestly am too tired to be angry about it. yes i got pissed off hence the question marks hanging from my head and facial expression when they laid the smackdown on me but after awhile and im using the word as loose as a 79 year old's skin in places i shall not mention, i just blanked out. and i do blank out very often, when? that is another story to tell. but this time im not feeling the stings of injustice, no.

so i took a walk.

the stars were putting on a show and it hit me that it HAS been awhile since i looked up at the stars from my balcony and actually let inspiration hit me.




its good to be back and its also good to know u r reading this right now thinking, why beautiful liar?

well thats because im beautiful and they are liars, no brainer.




p/s: its for tine not a person called nico - just in case u were wondering. . .

the next time some i-think-im-way-hot pitiful excuse for a chick stares cock at you - even if u r a guy, go mental. . .

the next time someone disses how u look, definately go mental. . .

the next time your parents tell you on the perils of wearing, taking and giving it low, go mental. . .

in fact, go mental everytime your parents tell u something just for the heck of it. . .

and the next time u feel like saying something stupid to me, even if you think its a pathetic excuse for a joke, even if you think it makes u sound like a smart ass, fUcK yourself. . .



so the big E is coming up and im huffin' and puffin' away - if u know what i mean, to live up to markers...

what? you did'nt set a marker on that measuring stick?

why don't you take that stick and shove it up ur a-hole, t'would make everyone happier and the world short of an idiot...



trying to cross the bridge and get to the other side,
holes and sticks get in the way,
know for certain the greener pastures wont be trodden try as i might,
for it'ain the obstacles but a me who stands in the way.

so here's the thing,

what does it take to be recognised or rather WHAT-DOES-IT-FREAKING-TAKE-TO-BE-NOTICED-AROUND-HERE?!

you know i use to think that im, how should i put it, notice-able...apparently NOT...yes the truth hurts, and when it comes in a form of jagged edged arrow, god forbid u take it like a man - in front of the rest at least...

so i came of age - again, and some people are there to make u smile some are just asses that are well asses...to those of you who think im ranting bout people forgetting my birthday, it's the 20th by the way, time not date, SCREW YOURSELF! reading between the lines is suppose to be innard and sadly in your case hon, its just non-existence...GOD

i consider myself a good money handler but somehow this past month and the month before i seem to be running dry very early of the month...any wise insights? bimbo sally u can just keep ur wonderful thoughts to yourself...not neeeding them today...not tomorrow either. . .

its good to be telling the truth, but hey watch it...ever heard of the phrase 'somethings are better left unsaid'? didn't think so...

so what are we gonna do now? u tell me. . . . .

i love my life :)

there is a spectacle to be seen in the heavens today...

they are here, but are we?

sometime we make judgements that we ask ourselves, 'is it the right one?' - did i make the right move?

well all i can say is that in the end we can only sigh and wonder because we will never know what would be or would not be if things were different...

but if things were different, we would not have encountered this problem in the first place now would we?

see it sucks, its an endless debate. . . trust me on this one



p/s: i promise a more uplifting and lively post next. . .being a lil melodramatic now

i don't know if it's an epiphany or just some random thoughts that stream through the grey matter but recently i realise that baby, no matter how i rant and whine about how i'm this cold ice king (would prefer queen but it may raise some eyebrows) and how my life is so f***ed up at the end of all that bull im just human and life is meant to be lived...

i've had alot of time on my had this past few weeks and i've picked up reading again and i actually love, i can't believe i'm gonna say this, reading...well then to make it more interesting let me show u guys what i've read or going to. . .


(drum roll)



1916, a book on the Irish rebellion. . . i know it makes you sounds really smart but trust me the starting is a little dry. . .as the plot progresses it gets interesting



the picture of dorian gray, a very interesting take on greed which i must say gives a different perspective the second time around



the penelopiad, cost me a bomb but not in vain as the writer really took a different side on retelling the myth of odyseus and penelope



sophie's world, what i'm reading right now ; a history on philoshophy, very interesting indeed



memoirs of a geisha, need no introduction, borrowed this one just to see what the differences are from the movie

the following 3 i got it at a warehouse sale at a steal. . .



angela's ashes, i remembered shoma raving about he book, so had to get it to see what is it all about



the mistress of spices, ah nothing like some light reading which also has a deeper meaning to the story - at least i think there is



the girl with the pearl earring, have heard of it but not too sure what is it all about - must be famous

so yea those are a few of the many that i have lavished on for the past few weeks...

love some 'me' time n curl up to a good book everynow and then...



i am but a reflection of the man in the mirror. . .

or is he the reflection of me?

it was something straight out of the movies...the un relentless pacing up and down the hallway, the cold sweat, the nervous jitters, the staring walls of the same colour scheme - pink red white, aqua blue white pink red white, aqua blue whi . . . . .they don't seem to stop...

the wait is excruciating as i waited for her to come out of the operating theatre...you see we found out that a lump has been growing in the right breast - blank...

a soldier as she always were she went into battle and won...for such a frail person she is my rock...the knives and drills do not scare her, or so she says...

the home for the recovering became my second home and things had to be sacrificed...things i planned and would have enjoyed...things i would have regret going ahead with...

long is the road to full recovery but i will be there to hold her hand when she needs...

cold is the expression i put on...im breaking...

everything seems fine now but then again everything seems fine on the surface don't you agree?

pity and sympathy, i've had enough of you both...

im. . . tired....take me away and keep me there. . .




for my hero. . . .

when the time of final mistakes is at the horizon, we tend to step back and run...thinking that running is the best choice for moment...not curious of whats at the other end of the approaching hauntings....

sometimes we stare simplicity straight in the eye...then turn the other way to face complexity...why we choose such road laden with guilt and prickly weeds that either wound us or make us turn back to that little junction in life that we so confidently left?

'i've travelled so far, to change this lonely life' - foreigner

we are but the potrait of ourselves...why taint and alter when what is written in stone or rather canvas and oil will never change...what is to be the essence will always be...not will it be the faint scent that lingers after the old is brushed away and the new is set in place...

take it with your stride and strenghts...you can never go wrong...only astray. . . .

as rain drop splatters into tiny little droplets on the side window which my gaze was fixated, my thought wondered into places that have not been explored for a long time...

by next year im going to be 'deported' to somewhere foreign...they call it the down under...

not that i don't want to, dont get me wrong...i've been looking forward to this day for such a long time that i myself sometimes losses hope and faith in that childhood dream that was what motivated me to presevere...

am i leaving something very good behind?

did u?


i've never thought of this place as one which i would love to spend my life in...weather...injustice...attitudes...

what made it bearable were amazing people i've met along the way...one that is a blast to be with, one that is tolerant to my crap, one that loves me, one that shares my ups and downs, one that understands, one that made me laugh, another that made me cry...

the game has been working in mysterious ways...when one door opens, another opens as well...both equally as enticing and both with a pot of gold at the corner...speechless

as adam did both lillith and eve...we took that greedy gene...at least i know i took it...

hope the doors dont slam back only to swallow my arm...

Well sometimes we cant draw the line between a hallucination and a dream. What use to be principles are no longer and we go the extra mile or even do someting we can't even dream of doing.

I had my share of that, i confessed and that was embarassing. What is to stay in your thoughts sometimes just don't. Why that happen is not in my jurisdiction to decide but i can suggest a thoery.

sometimes we just want something too much that we get pushed to the edge. Whatever it maybe, its all downhill when desperation sets in. Trust me on this.


Assumptions to me is like a plague. When it arises it just spreads so fast we don't even know what just happened. The effects of it is worse. No one asks for an explanation and communication breakdown always happens.

When and where is never the question. Rather why and how.


Im at a different place right now. Things just move slower and the forest is coming into focus. A very gentle breeze sweeps the floor and the fog makes room for clarity.

Don't throw away that old sole and look intently into the water.

Things are happening for a reason, look on the dark side of the moon for once. Its not everyday u see a white tiger.

Cupid's got a chokehold on me. . .

here i go again spilling my apologise for the long absence...

not much have changed since the last post except im now officially a university student and i can use lines like 'get out of my face!! im in UNIVERSITY now' or 'ah im too caught up in my assignments, UNIVERSITY ones...' or even 'how much is the haircut? im in UNIVERSITY'...now isn't that a privilege....

my last post sounds a lil melancholic cum give-me-some-pity-but-i'll-be-strong-even-in shitty event...but i had a rather interesting conversation or rather the conversation came to unfold by itself...a slap on the face at first but soon after i realised what a selfish prick i was or being to have set standards and wants when i myself cant fulfill...

u know sometimes it takes events so trivial. . .that we take them for granted...but thats what shapes...

on a lighter note, i'm currently looking into a notebook pc to (parade around g.l.a.m.o.r.o.u.s.l.y) be a good companion when im in UNIVERSITY (aaahhh love the sound of that) alone and pityful :(

*let the megalomaniac out in the garden, see what happens*

as far as expectation and logic goes, to me when someone says yes to a coffee date naturally they are interested or at the least there is some form of attraction be it sexual or physical...

as far as experience goes, when someone gives the nod it mostly means im not really interested but im just saying yes to keep u as plan B when all else goes wrong...

where is the decency in telling people what really dwells and tingles in that apparent non existent brain?

there is no harm done in actually saying no when it is of no interest...

slowly im seeing this whole facade we call dating drifting into the background blending in with the drops which we put up only to make the whole production more. . .well real...

*in search of the minority*

another valentine came and gone...

and thats all there was in stall for me this valentines...it came and it went....

what are the significance of finding that someone who is your type only to find out a flaw so severe that it throws you off the cliff?

but aren't those the reasons they're called flaws?

flaws that are meant to be plastered and mended, flaws that binds two individual in unexplainable ways, flaws that makes life interesting...

compromise...

taking the leap beyond the horizon where the unknown awaits and the unseen wonders...

am i brave enough??

too late for regrets...

it's been awhile since i last posted about my singapore trip...

it's coz of im fresh out of ideas to pen...there are things to put down in writing but nothing uummph enough to make it a post...

immortalization - a picture, a book, a poem, a dried up flower or even in the form of words...who decides what is to be forever and what not?

i've been asking myself this question ever since it actually dawned to me that im about to lose one of my best friends to a country not so foreign we call it our second home...it's a lil mushy and cheesy but i thought it's a worth while entry for the time of the year when relations are stretched and tested...

the test of time. . .

so, i say i decide what is to be ever last and i will be only a few thousand miles away or rather just a call away if the damsel - with a killer pose :P - sees distress...

so this is for u and i will definately be missing u - already am...



we go wayyy back...



pout central...



bowling...

psst...*she has socks in her bag!! sheesh!



love this pic. . .



f.i.e.r.c.e!!!!



hon the camera is to the front. . .



:D



remember how fast my heart was beating? lol



..... *sniff



periuk belanga guna dimasak,
hantar minuman tak digalak,
kalau bunga di taman sudah berputik,
bolehlah kanda jenguk memetik.

after all the adventures (and more unmentioned) it was time for me to head on home...

the trip there was fun and different this time around not just coz i have a camera with me this time but the entire experience kind of gave me sort of an awakening that previous trips to singapore did not spark...

it's difficult to explain but i have my own demons and all i can say that the trip was worthwhile in many ways...

on the way home i caught glimpse of the aftermath of the heavy downpours...





i clearly remember this part of the bridge use to flow a RIVER...honey now it's the indian ocean!!

my deepest sympathy goes out to all those who have lost in the flood...and my respect to those who have survived it...

as i mentioned in the first entry to singapore...the scenery is still a marvel...after all the flood and all...



i shall leave u with this picture for me now all will definately be back with more perspectives from different angles on issues that bothers as well as amazes. . .

til then u guys take very good care!


'it's so funny now that i see, how different life turned out to be'
katherine

we have the LCC and singapore has their budget terminal...i swore it took me a few minutes to wonder how and where did singapore found anymore place to build an airport...



here it is...a panaromic shot...lol just found out bout it when i could not fit the whole thing in one shot...

and to add to the wondering...everything is huge!!

like literally huge...i mean this people are not blind...



the arrival hall...



yes even the taxi sign is huge...



vending machine. . .honey there is absolutely nothing in this terminal u think someone would miss the machine?!



oh here's the cool thing...a feeder bus to the airport...decorated really nicely for a budget airline don't u think??



yea have a gggrrrrreeeat flight....cute :)

after we picked my aunt frm the airport (she flew in frm china) we went to East Coast Park which i remember going to when i was young to ride a bike...it is really really nice...there's a beach right beside it...

no we did not go there for a ride but we went for satay mee hoon...amazing...



in case u guys don't already know, my favurite fruit are cherries!!!



yea one of these babies...

ooooohhhhhh yea...bon appetit!!



god i looove it!!



enough said. . .excuse the obscene. . .



then it dawned upon me. . . 'there was this saying bout cherry stalks right?'



here goes nothing!!!



uuuummmphhh...



uuumph. . .



uuuummmph....



TADA!!!!

a few day after, my camera had an itch it had to scratch...so off we go on yet another adventure...



gaaahhh!!! the weather sux...it has been raining like for a few days now...

L : is that gonna stop us?
C : NO!

hey who am i to object to a camera??

so off we went to Vivo City which is relatively new and is the largest in singapore...some locals deem it to be the largest in asia. . . wait wat was that bout the locals again?

so i took a MRT to here



which is the end of the purple MRT line which connects to other parts of singapore through the red and green line...ah this is getting confusing...

i crossed the road and here i am!!



Vivo City!! in the flesh ppl...or rather in the rocks and cements...

i walked around and the layout was nice but i've seen better...the thing that caught my eye was a huge ship (which i think is a cruise ship) out by the waterfront!!



isn't it majestic...those lil things above it are cable cars...so i sat down and lit one...

the rest was just finger muscles twitch...







ok ppl this pic is soooo The O.C rite? i know!!



some contruction going on (i think)



hey where did this pic come from??!!

im totally innocent. . .

then i went in to have a drink and a piece of mango something cheese cake...sweet!

on my way home my cousin took me to this temple to pray for (i think) the winter solstis...

don't ask me what...i seriously don't know...

on the way there. . .



wait a minute!! is this a scam?!?!? are u guys sending me home!?!?

apparently not...jeez...u guys are like soOooO fun...

after the whole fiasco we reached the temple...



the temple in itself is a beauty...

it's here where my grandparents remains are placed...i paid my respects....

(R.E.S.P.E.C.T playing in the back of my mind)

god im soo unrespestful....sorry sorry...



as far as i remmember everyone offers tong yuen...some kinda round sweet thinggy...but hey it was good selection of stalks...

soon after we head on home...im really tired but another mission accomplished!!

til the next...

p/s: to those who have not seen the budget terminal..do come back...